just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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