I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Couch. On fire.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
