kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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