I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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