Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
