Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
