Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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