We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
