Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
