hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
