Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
