She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
