i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
