is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
