so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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