I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
