Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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