Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
