i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
