Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
40s are totally the cure
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
