No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
