I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a search helicopter?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
