wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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