rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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