not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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