My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
