i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
