How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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