he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
