when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
