this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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