I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
