You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
