Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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