i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
