...so i touched it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just puked most of my soul out..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
