Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
