At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
