so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
