I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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