September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
