: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
