A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
