Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
