I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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