can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
