Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
