I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Rumble strips road head = magical
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
