she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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