So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
