non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
