a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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