after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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