There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Boobs are out for the taking
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
