why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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