real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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