What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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