Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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