i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
