im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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