Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
