I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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