Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I deserve this hangover.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
