I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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